Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
