We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
