Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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