Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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