We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
