Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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