Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
