Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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