everyone is single if you try hard enough
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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