I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
