Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
