the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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