if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
