i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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