you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
