We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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