Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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