are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
