I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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