it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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