I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
