smell my finger.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
