So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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