In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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