I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sext me about skeletons
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
