The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she pinky promised me she was 18
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
