Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
