based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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