I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
