as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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