hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
