So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wear drunk well.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
