i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize