Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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