I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
