when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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