Nicole vs. Life
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
