My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize