Well apparently he's into motor boating.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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