dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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