im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
