he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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