if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
