i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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