Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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