Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
