but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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