I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
