I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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