Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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