So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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