Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
