In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
