i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
