If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i may or may not be watching the land before time
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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