Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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