I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
