I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
