Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
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Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What drink are we having for lunch?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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