She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
