the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
