We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
