dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
