i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
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