well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
