We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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