My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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