she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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