Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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