The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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