Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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