I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
