Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
