why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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